Self Leadership – Coaching Session


The most difficult person you will ever, ever lead is who? It’s you. Yeah, this is you. You are so difficult to lead. I am so difficult to lead. My worst elder, my worst deacon…I’m tougher to lead than they are, trust me. Why is this so? Why are you so hard to lead?

Because… some of you, for example, are way too hard on yourself, you beat yourself up if you make any leadership mistakes. You hold yourself to such an exceedingly high standard that you’re frustrated 3/4 of the time. You walk around with your shoulders heavy because you’re like, “I’m not good enough. I’m not as good a leader as “so and so” is, and I need to do more of this, and I need to do…” You’re so hard on yourself.

Equal numbers of you are difficult to lead because you’re way too easy on yourself. Way too easy. You fumble a leadership ball and you go, “Aw that didn’t matter anyway.” You make a bad personnel decision and you go, “Well, you win some, you lose some.” You don’t challenge yourself. You’re easy on yourself. You’re not growing as a leader. But you don’t hold yourself to high expectations as a leader, so you’re only half the leader you could be, only half the leader God wants you to be.

Sometimes you’re hard to lead because you lack self-awareness. You don’t self-correct, so you just do the same mistakes again and again and again. So you’re hard to lead.

I am very, very hard to lead. So I don’t know, about 15 years or so ago when I really started to understand that if I don’t lead myself well, everybody bears the consequences. If I lead myself really well, everybody wins…everyone around me – my staff, my church…my community. And I got serious about it and I said, “You know what? I’m going to start trying to lead myself really, really well.” But I didn’t know how to do it and I had never read any books on it. So what I resorted to was an empty journal and a series of questions that I would ask myself about every 30 days. I would go through a self-evaluation exercise on, ‘how am I doing leading myself?’ about once a month. And then I’d be very honest.

So here’s what I’m going to do for a few moments. I’m going to give you some of the questions, not all of them because some of them are too personal, I don’t want this flying around on the internet. So I’m going to give you some of the questions that I ask and answer every 30 days and you’ll get an idea of these kinds of self-leadership analysis questions. And you can come up with your own after you hear some of mine.

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