Self Evaluation Question 5: Am I Making Conscious Decisions? – Coaching Session
This level right here is your level of consciousness, in other words, subconscious things happen down here and the things you’re conscious of happen up here. So, what we like to think when we’re making daily decisions up here consciously day in day out, I say “yes” to that and “no” to that, we’re going to go this way not that way, and so. We like to think that our conscious decisions are just what we call them, conscious – unconnected from any other thing – decisions.
Quite often the truth is the decisions you‘re making up here are tethered to something in your past down here, and this might be tethered to this, and this might be tethered to this. Let me give you just a couple of examples of this:
So one of my friends grew up in a home where there was fighting and rage all the time.
I mean his parents were at it, they would slap each other around, beat the other brothers and sisters. Fighting and rage! …okay. So what he did to compensate for that, he became the peacemaker in the home. All he ever wanted. ‘Hey, dad, stop hitting mom. Mom, stop throwing that chair at dad’. You know all this, so now he becomes a pastor of a church. I know the church well. He’s a pretty good pastor. He won’t take risks. He won’t really challenge people. His church is kind of stuck. You want to know why? …Because his top value is peace. They need a building program. He’s not going lead them to a building program because a building program is going to upset some people. He’s got to fire a staff person that needs to be fired. He’s not going to do it because someone’s going to get upset. He has no awareness that his conscious, what he thinks is his conscious every day decision making is still being affected to this day from what happened in his home 40 years back.
Let me show you the other extreme. Another friend I know very well. So his parents had this script for him. They would call him stupid and they would call him worthless and they would say that he was never going to amount to anything, okay. This kind of thing happens as you know. So my friend overcompensated and became a super achiever, okay, a super achiever! What he’s doing every day of his life is he’s saying, “Dad, I’m going to prove to you, you were wrong! I can achieve. I can progress. I’m smart and gifted and I can move things ahead. He has done unnecessary building programs at the various churches that he’s led just to prove to his dad that he can build stuff and move a congregation. They don’t even need buildings and he builds them and the congregation is like, “Who are you building this for!?” He doesn’t realise that he’s doing all of this for his dad. 40 years ago.
Here’s the question I always have to ask myself every 30 days, ‘What decisions am I making up here that I think are just clean, conscious, upper strata decisions that really if I think about it are tethered to something down here that I have to pay attention to?’
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